The Irony of being "Okay"
We- you, me, and all of us-live in a whirlwind world. Some get it, some look for it, and some even understand it.
The worst of the lot is those like me- people who are just "okay" in the being!
well, for starters- you cannot be "OKAY"..why? because all around you are things that need you to be agitated, or angry, or expressing some other extreme emotion.
While all you are feeling- is LOST! and being okay about feeling blank is but also not okay!
so you get the dilemma right?
You cannot be okay about not being okay, because according to people around-what is happening is not okay, and your non-reaction about it, that is just not okay at all!
Then how is it that any of us is ever going to feel the much coveted "Okay"?
Point in question is my absconding teacher, having been abused of sexual abuse and harassment of various natures, all int he name of spiritual healing. So there is a massive furore, now on social media, relentless verbal castigation, threats from both sides- most of them anonymous and so on so forth.
Some close friends are 'victims'- so the first emotion to deal with was hysteria. the inability to fathom how such bright, sharp people had been preyed upon! People I saw conducting themselves in the best possible ways- utmost integrity and grace, suddenly got into slandering, abusing- and oh so hurt.
Not to debilitate the pain each one has gone through- probably scarred for life in the "healing" process, my heart goes out to them.
What is not falling into place is the high pitched calls from those who had left the sides of the guru many years back. Surprisingly those are the ones who are voicing the pain the most. I totally get the standing up business, and them pushing the victims to talk- but isn't the urgency too much to bear for people who are getting to terms with the hurt right now? Maybe what they need is healing- and not more chaos at the moment! just maybe.
If they did have the courage, would all of this have happened for all these many years? My pain is resounding with them right now. Maybe we do not WANT to do this right now. Maybe at some later point in our lives (I say ours because even if not sexually- I feel abused emotionally beyond repair- because I do feel totally lost, and disoriented..), maybe we will find the courage-and the need to go up against the wrongdoings. Ofcourse, the dilemma of "what if he does it with others" is paramount with those who are standing up- but how am I to get up and protect others from the wrath when i am myself trying to get back up on my two feet? How do i get up and recount the gory details from my still fresh memory?
No- i really do choose to be OKAY, because that is where I want to be-at this moment-in this time of my life- I only want to heal myself, and even if it is selfish- Selfish I am okay to be!
Just OKAY to BE.
well, for starters- you cannot be "OKAY"..why? because all around you are things that need you to be agitated, or angry, or expressing some other extreme emotion.
While all you are feeling- is LOST! and being okay about feeling blank is but also not okay!
so you get the dilemma right?
You cannot be okay about not being okay, because according to people around-what is happening is not okay, and your non-reaction about it, that is just not okay at all!
Then how is it that any of us is ever going to feel the much coveted "Okay"?
Point in question is my absconding teacher, having been abused of sexual abuse and harassment of various natures, all int he name of spiritual healing. So there is a massive furore, now on social media, relentless verbal castigation, threats from both sides- most of them anonymous and so on so forth.
Some close friends are 'victims'- so the first emotion to deal with was hysteria. the inability to fathom how such bright, sharp people had been preyed upon! People I saw conducting themselves in the best possible ways- utmost integrity and grace, suddenly got into slandering, abusing- and oh so hurt.
Not to debilitate the pain each one has gone through- probably scarred for life in the "healing" process, my heart goes out to them.
What is not falling into place is the high pitched calls from those who had left the sides of the guru many years back. Surprisingly those are the ones who are voicing the pain the most. I totally get the standing up business, and them pushing the victims to talk- but isn't the urgency too much to bear for people who are getting to terms with the hurt right now? Maybe what they need is healing- and not more chaos at the moment! just maybe.
If they did have the courage, would all of this have happened for all these many years? My pain is resounding with them right now. Maybe we do not WANT to do this right now. Maybe at some later point in our lives (I say ours because even if not sexually- I feel abused emotionally beyond repair- because I do feel totally lost, and disoriented..), maybe we will find the courage-and the need to go up against the wrongdoings. Ofcourse, the dilemma of "what if he does it with others" is paramount with those who are standing up- but how am I to get up and protect others from the wrath when i am myself trying to get back up on my two feet? How do i get up and recount the gory details from my still fresh memory?
No- i really do choose to be OKAY, because that is where I want to be-at this moment-in this time of my life- I only want to heal myself, and even if it is selfish- Selfish I am okay to be!
Just OKAY to BE.
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